Thursday, April 29, 2010

Just a little bit more...

It's only Half Empty when it comes to beer...

So it seems as though there is a budding trend in my life when it comes to accomplishing more. Apparently I am never satisfied even when I have met my goals. I work towards setting more modest goals and being happy to reach them, but it never fails, as the race approaches or the milestone seems close in the distance I start the self-doubt.

In less than 3 days I am about to compete in my very first half marathon. I've had my fair share of mechanical setbacks, aches & pains, but it is the mental part I am still working on. I know that I can bust my ass and I know that I can finish that half marathon. Being that it's my first shouldn't I just be happy with finishing, even if it is in last place? I constantly strive for perfection and in unrealistic circumstances. As it leads into the marathon I continue to tell myself you are doing great and you are that much farther ahead just by participating, however, when it comes to race day will it be enough for me? I fear I will be unhappy with my performance. I know because of my hip I am going to have to walk part of the half marathon. The new Krystyn says to be proud of what you have accomplished instead of upset of what you haven't...the old Krystyn says you aren't good enough and you never will be.

How do I stay in this place of self-love without the past ever coming back to haunt me? If anyone figures it out, let me know...

In the meantime I will continue to keep my head up and fight for my right to love myself. When I look in the mirror I am proud of what I have achieved. When I look inside my heart I am proud of the person I am. When I look at my life I am an extremely fortunate woman with a fantastic husband, a dog who affectionately wakes her up with a smile each morning and a changed kitty who's started showing affection...when I look into the past I am full of doubt with no direction.

It's good to be in a better place, now let's try and make it stick.

13.1 Miles...Ready or not, here I come!

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